Marriage – when things change?

Ehn! #PWAN2014 is going to be LIT! Who born dem? Dem no fit! My friend is getting married! 💃

Lara and Bukky had been friends since literally day one. They both attended the same schools – at primary, secondary and university levels. They were even deployed to the same state for their mandatory year of national youth service. You could call them inseparable. Lara and Bukky shared everything with one another – details about the guys they dated, whether he was loaded (that is, rich), handsome, had a good job, if the relationship was serious or he was just a Screensaver (someone you while away time with, while the main guy is somewhere else).

Then came along Tayo: the tall, dark and handsome dude who was every lady’s dream. Lara had hit the jackpot and Bukky was so happy for her.

Fast forward to the second anniversary of their first date, and Tayo proposed to Lara in the most romantic of ways.

Lara was ecstatic, and Bukky was overjoyed. ‘My best friend is getting married!’. As the maid of honour, Lara joyfully supported ALL the wedding plans: wedding gown shopping, aso ebi shopping, selecting the bridal flowers💐, picking the best wedding event planner, and planning the bahddest bridal shower ever.

Finally, the wedding day arrived, and it was as glorious as anyone could imagine.

Lara looked every bit a princess👰, and her Prince Charming Tayo🤵 was ready to sweep her away into her new life as the newest Mrs. P!

Few months into the marriage, Lara kept the updates alive by uploading pictures and videos of the wedding. She and Bukky still talked, though not as often as before, but Bukky understood as Lara now had a new gist partner in her husband.

Six months later, and the gist frequency had dropped even further. Lara had also stopped putting up pictures of herself and her hubby. Bukky begun to suspect, could Lara be pregnant? No nah, Lara would definitely tell me, after all we have an agreement I’m going to be her first baby’s godmother. So Bukky pushed the thoughts away. A few months after, Lara travelled to the US, and shortly afterwards put up the status, ‘Our Prince is here’, ‘Momma’s Boy’. And slowly but surely, all the pre- and post- pregnancy shots of her best friend find their way into Bukky’s Instagram stream.

Bukky was clearly shocked. How could her best friend do this to her? Didn’t she trust her? After all the running around I did for her wedding? Is it a crime to be single still? Or am I feeling entitled? And she begins to feel sad, and little by little recalls the times she suspected and deceived herself it wasn’t true…

Alas, she felt betrayed.

The above is based on one too many true stories. What is the deal with us in these parts anyway? Has the fear of ‘village people’ gotten to us so much that we cannot even trust those who are meant to be our best friends? Or is this a reality of life that single friends must accept when a friend gets married? Let’s share thoughts in the comments section.

Instagram Life vs Reality

Photo by Public Domain Pictures on Pexels.com

So the other day, I clicked on my Instagram, ready to scroll through my feed and check out all the trending pictures, videos, comics, news, etcetera

I had just finished laughing at a post where a 60 something year old man was twerking to the floor (the baba was dancing like he had spent most of his life doing that, he was that good) when I saw Nneka’s post. Geez Nneka! Didn’t she have a baby four months ago?  She was looking very snatched, with a waistline that could not have been attained by just a waist trainer. On top of that, she was looking tinier than her pre-baby body.

I started to ruminate: didn’t I also just give birth four months ago? Abi is this babe using hotter water to press her stomach, or tying her wrapper tighter than I am doing? I could not understand. I was still recovering from Amaka’s post, and now Nneka. I started a dialogue with my mind:

Me: Maybe I should reduce my diet to only fruits

Mind: But aren’t you breastfeeding?

Me: And so? Aren’t Nneka and Amaka not breastfeeding?

Mind: But do you know what Nneka and Amaka are doing?

Me: What is there to know, didn’t they say seeing is believing? Their posts are enough evidence.

Mind: Hmmm. Don’t forget that there are a lot of apps that can help people shape their picture to their desired body.

This is the truth for many of us: we compare people’s instagram photoshopped life to our reality. Some people snap back to their pre-pregnancy bodies immediately, while others have to do the work to get there. Don’t beat yourself up if like me, you fall into the latter category. What’s crazy is that I actually reduced my meals to once a day after seeing Amaka’s post, despite the fact that I am breastfeeding. I read somewhere that it takes two years for one’s body to fully adjust back to its pre-baby form, so really DON’T BEAT YOURSELF UP.

Hustler = the Aggressive Entrepreneur

Ever heard the word “hustler” before? What images did it bring to your mind? Negative ones, or positive ones?

Here’s another food for thought: have you ever wondered why some people seem to get the best of everything? The best jobs, the best dates, and everything good in life while others barely get by? What do you think made the difference between those that made it, and those that did not? Luck, connections, faith, or destiny?

I’ll tell you what it was – consistence in their passion.

This consistent passion is what we see in folks labelled as HUSTLERS. No matter what field of life they are playing in, one thing is common among hustlers – aggressive enterprising.

A hustler is a go getter, never thinking how everyone else thinks: a tunnel visioned person, never allowing ego/pride get in the way of their plan.

In short a hustler makes things happen, gets things done and does not make excuses.

One of the sad facts of life is that most people cannot generally think for themselves.  They are often too worried about what others might think or say of them. Hence, they go with the flow, become copy cats and settle for a mediocre life – expending just the minimal effort or passion in what they do to get by. Anyone who adopts this mindset is already guaranteed to fail in life, and will never really experience all the cool stuff life can offer.

Hustling does not mean going out there to cheat, scam people or be corrupt. It means developing the ability to outsmart and out-think your strongest competitor. We must strive to think outside options A, B, C and D, and develop the ability to see E, F, G and H. This is one area the schooling system has failed majority of us. We were groomed to think laterally and methodically like robots, and penalised for thinking creatively like hustlers.

The wrong type of hustlers are the ones that cheat the system and consider themselves smart until the day they get nabbed by the authorities, or their names appear on the most wanted list. Truth is, they were never really hustlers to begin with, for had they exercised their brain muscles properly, they would have found legitimate ways to get the gains they wanted. Getting success or prosperity now and paying the hard way for it later is not the smart way to do things. Part of being a good hustler is to get what you want without doing anything illegal.

Hustling is a mindset. This world that we live in is an insanely competitive one, and you need to develop skills to keep you above the waters.

So go ahead, stop thinking like a mediocre.

There is a wise saying that goes like this ‘Don’t learn how to play the game, learn how to beat the game.’
For more information on hustling in this generation, stay connected to the column. For now, feel free to comment, like and share your opinions.

Amazing benefits of the okra fruit

Pic obtained from: http://www.beforeitsnews.com

As schools resumed on Monday, my day began with food planning for the week.. While making my list and balancing my menu, I stumbled across an interesting discovery. Guess what it was?

I discovered that my ‘go to food’, okra, is not a vegetable as I had always thought it to be, but a fruit.

Yea, I can imagine the shock on your faces as you read this for those who don’t know, but if you had known this before, kindly allow us that just discovered it the opportunity to be in awe.

So we all have been cooking our fruits (If you are a Nigerian). I had to sit back and dig into the benefits and other ways to enjoy this new found fruit apart from our regular vegetable soup.

Okra is also known as lady’s finger. This is a vegetable (oops, fruit) whose benefit is often underestimated. With the natural goodies this fruit comes loaded with, there is a good chance it will replace the usage of synthetic drugs as we give it more prominence in our diet.

Below are some benefits of Okra:

1. It prevents diabetes. Okra reduces the rate at which sugar is absorbed and it further stabilizes sugar level. (I learnt that it’s one of the reasons why some of us usually experience loosed bowels after consumption).
2. It controls cholesterol levels and reduces the risk of obesity: Okra is very rich in soluble fiber pectin. This Pectin helps lower the bad cholesterol and prevents atherosclerosis. Okra has no or low calorie count however, makes you feel full.
3. It is a good antioxidant and thus eliminates free radicals which often times damage our intestinal walls.
4. It contains high folate and vitamin K content, which strengthens and make bones denser preventing osteoporosis. Vitamin K also helps in fetal development and reduces miscarriages and defects in fetal neural tubes.
5. Okra pods contain the highest levels of healthy quantity of vitamin A, beta-carotenes, luteins and xanthins.
6. The fibers in okra reduces the risk of colon and rectal cancer.
7. Okra protects your skin from pimples and keep skin smooth and beautiful.
8. Okra also has the ability to bring hair back to life. It can be used in scalp treatment, hair conditioning to fight dandruff and make hair shiny and bouncy.

Other research says it can be used to treat depression, lung inflammation, sore throat, asthma, and work has begun on blood plasma replacement.

So okra is all that, and a bag of chips. How then, can we ensure we get the best quality okra on our next shopping trip to the market? Follow the tips below:

1. Go for the bright green colored pods.
2. Purchase the ones that are firm but not very soft. This ensures they are not rotten from the inside.
3. Go for ones with smaller pods, as they are tender and taste better than the larger ones which are tough and stringy.

 

Okra dishes

If you came to this section expecting to find recipes for plain okra soup or even the mixed version (ila asepo as the Yoruba call it), expect to be pleasantly surprised. Feast your eyes (and hopefully, your imagination) on a selected variety of ways you can enjoy the okra delicacy.

Fried Okra

As sauce for white rice

Roasted Okra as snacks

Okra Soup

Picture credits: healthyfoodhouse.com, nigerianfoodies.com

Finally when you decide to buy okra, you can store them unwashed and wrapped up in newspaper. If you choose to keep them in the refrigerator, let it be in the warmest area as they tend to decay fast. Better yet, for busy persons, you can chop them up and freeze. This way, they last longer.

Have you discovered other wonders of the delightful okra fruit? Please share in the comments below, so we can all learn and make the most of its benefits. Cheers!!!!

 

 

The Relocation Frenzy

“We keep moving forward, opening new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths”                                                                                                                 – Walt Disney

Relocation seems to be the song on everyone’s lips today!

In the face of local political and economic frustrations besetting the country, who does not relish the thought of moving away from it all? Take Tafe Samuels, a young working-class woman living in Lagos. Tafe gained her undergraduate degree in Economics three years ago from a university in Abuja, and moved to Lagos for better working opportunities. After a long and arduous search, she secured employment in a logistics company, with a take-home pay of N90,000 (about USD250) per month. This job barely pays the rent and utility bills in exorbitant Lagos (she had to rely on her parents for that), and half of this is spent on transport, groceries and entertainment. Like the rest of Lagos, she dips into the other half to secure electricity and water when the public infrastructure does its regular hiccups, and can barely put away any money in savings. She regularly dreams of escaping the “hand-to-mouth” cycle, but is scared to move an inch from where she is due to fear of the unknown.

Tafe however knows that things could be way better than they currently are. On her secondary school and university reunion groups on Facebook and WhatsApp, she can tell some of her former classmates are getting a better lease on life. Last month, Tunde and Kelechi posted their graduation pictures and Master’s certificates they had both gotten from top-rated universities in Australia and Toronto respectively. From her status updates and pics, Somto is clearly living it up in Atlanta, with her big house and fancy SUV. And just three days ago, Diran – who is based in Chicago – announced (with an offer letter snapshot and a thanksgiving-filled status update) that he had been promoted to the position of a Manager in his company. A google search of salaries for Managers in Dipo’s industry and country revealed that his monthly take-home pay (after tax) was USD3,180.  Twelve times her own salary? Someone she finished secondary school with? Chai!

At this point Tafe’s mind is made up. The horror tales of the menial and demeaning tasks, the chilly and unfriendly weather, the struggles of fitting into a new culture, the chances of losing everything in the process, have lost their grip on her. Relocation is the way, baby!

Just like Tafe Samuels, millions of people think about relocating to or find themselves in new countries; where they hope to achieve their dreams and enjoy better lives. This move could be emboldened by frustrations faced in career, education or marriage. Making the move might be the best decision a person could make, and it could also be the worst decision. What makes the difference is knowledge. Knowledge they say is power. Therefore, it is very necessary to arm ourselves with information that will help us tackle the challenges of the unknown.

Enough of the scare …. it’s time to open yourself up to all of the new opportunities and experiences that come hand-in-hand with traveling or finding yourself in unfamiliar grounds. This chic right here will be sharing a number of considerations that you must take into account before and after relocating to help you ease your way in the country you find yourself.

Are you thinking of relocating to another country?

Did you recently move to a new country?

What are the things we should know about?

Let’s meet here!!!

Can I be a Child Again?

When I was younger, I always wanted to become an adult because all the older people around me did not have to explain their whereabouts to their parents like I was subjected to – that is if I ever got the permission to leave the house.

I remember one fateful day; I packed and unpacked my bags on the verge of leaving the house- to God knows where.  The issue then, was that my parent had denied me the opportunity to attend the on-going house party of my neighbor happening down the street. Was my behavior justifiable? Was this act right for a normal child?

Today, I am all grown up, living by myself and like many adults my age, making my own decision and I don’t have to seek for anybody’s permission to go out. However, I find myself spending almost all my spare time at home. Has adulthood affected my social skills? What really happened? Why the sudden change? It is called “Bills”.

Can I get a break from these bills?  I don’t seem to wrap my head around how my salary is gone barely a week after I got paid. Can somebody help me to explain this? I have practically watched my social life gone down the drain and I have completely become introverted.  You may wonder why? The cost of going out can be used to offset several bills; electricity, water, security, sanitation, internet and what have you? Each outing cost more than staying indoors, so I opted for the latter leaving every outing as a luxury which has to be well planned. Let me introduce you to my new best friends; my laptop, television, books, music and the internet.

How much I miss shopping for groceries I didn’t have to pay for and living in a house I did not pay for. Can I go back to being a child once more?

To love … or not

Halfway through lunch, Selena suddenly goes, “MENARESCUM!”

It takes me a few moments to realize she isn’t talking about the rather tasty tenderloin on the table.

Selena is like the gentlest soul in the world. It must have taken a lot for those words to have burst out.

I ask what happened and she goes on with eyes brimming over:

“You know Kylian, right?”

😐 Who doesn’t know Kylian?! You can’t know Selena without knowing Kylian. Classic high school sweethearts.

“I just broke up with him.”

You … What???

“It was just too much. I couldn’t stand it anymore.”

And then she goes on to tell the tale.

Amore Per La Musica (Love for Music)

If Music be the food of love, play on….

I can’t recall the first time I discovered my love for music but I remember as a child listening to some songs from my parent’s cassette player…listening to artistes like “Third World”, “The Mandators”, “Sade”, “Ras Kimono”, “Abba”, “Alex O” and some other artistes whose names I may never know but whose songs are forever etched in my memory.

Due to my sheltered pre-teen upbringing, I was a bit late to popular secular music of the early 90s and its dance steps…so no, I do not know how to dance to “Patra” or the butterfly dance or the lyrics to Shabba Ranks songs…songs like All 4 One’s Candy Rain meant nothing to me.

In my early teens, I had “opened eye” when TLC’s No Scrubs was the rave and as fate would have it, we had a broken transformer problem with a 6-months power outage. That was how I made our rechargeable lamp with radio my best friend…I only listened to one radio station back then, Cool FM 96.9. This was my first proper introduction to music – Rock, Soft Rock, Urban Contemporary, Alternative Rock, Soul, R&B.

I also got a “Higher Education” book which served as my music slum book. With pictorial cut-outs of my favourite artistes then – TLC, Aaliyah, Usher, B2K, Destiny’s Child…and guess what, it also served as my lyrics book…whenever one of my favorite songs comes on air, I’d rush to the radio with my pen and book and with my ear against the speaker, I’ll start jotting down the lyrics (which were wrong most of the time). I even scraped some savings and bought a music Walkman and got an empty tape which I used to record my favourite songs from the radio, so in my spare time I would listen to the songs over and over again in hopes of getting the right lyrics (lol!). As fate would have it, then came the invention of “Music/Lyrics book” sold by music merchants…I could buy up to 3 different music books at once if I did not get all the songs I liked in one book.

The next phase was graduating from Walkman to phones with music players and memory cards to store music. Back then, if you had an extensive music playlist with my kind of songs, you were my bestie. I still remember one of my music besties in the University was Sola. Dude always had the latest songs on his Sagem S-7 phone while I was still struggling with my Motorola V6 that could only store 3 songs (presently, I have about 1,300 songs stored on my phone)…the relief when I upgraded to a Nokia Phone 5200 was real. Infact, in my final year yearbook, I stated that my most prized possession was my MEMORY CARD (face palm) due to the assortment of songs on my phone.

I was obsessed with Music; so obsessed that my parents were scared of letting me school outside their location for fear I might go and study Music instead of Accounting (sometimes I wish I did but it’s not too late).

Music is my companion when reading for tests/exam, when driving, happy, sad or heartbroken, heck, Music is still my companion when I want to really concentrate at work (my boss disagrees with me on this though). If there’s one thing I’m grateful for, it’s the ability to hear, not just any sound but the beautiful strains of music.

Welcome to theVibeChic segment…where we shall be gisting about anything musically inclined – Songs (classical, contemporary and other genres), Artistes, Musicals, Music Videos, Music theory; you name it. My foray into the intriguing word of classical music is a story for another day…Stay tuned to this segment. There goes my shameless plug on my love for music. So tell me, when did you first discover your love for Music?

Navigating the Nigerian job market: Part I

We were raised….without a clue.

Growing up in Nigeria, we were asked as kids: “What do you want to be when you grow up – a doctor, or a lawyer?” With the exception of a couple of children that had the opportunity of exposure to the several other lesser-known professions (rocket science, biotechnology, dietetics, actuarial sciences, etc), the future dreams of an average Nigerian child were expected to revolve around the Big Five: Medicine, Law, Banking, Engineering and Business.

We made it through primary and secondary education, with mild adjustments to our dreams if any (at least I know I started to consider architecture and psychology around this time of my life 😏) until we came face-to-face with the Almighty JAMB.

Almighty JAMB: Come over, little Nigerian child, come over! Now what would you like to be?

Nigerian Child: (gasps excitedly) An engineer, an engineer!

Almighty JAMB: Really? Well, sorry no. Have this Physics degree, or the Maths one if you wish. Next!

Nigerian Child 2: Good morning Almighty JAMB sir! I have dreamed of being a Lawyer since I was five years old.

Almighty JAMB: Law gini? Come and take this English Language degree my friend! Or go over to the Creative Arts section over there if you like. Who’s next on the line?!

Nigerian Child 3: (moves closer) Please sir, I want to be a Doctor….

Almighty JAMB: (rolls over with laughter) Dokita whaattt! Don’t let me kill myself with laughter. Come and take this Microbiology degree

And so it happened, to 60-70% of us.

Now we are at the other end of the divide, with a degree certificate for a study we most likely never heard of before we got into the university. And the parents are saying “It’s time to look for a job”.

A job? Fine we guess, the national youths service programme should give us openings in that arena. But we are barely two weeks into the orientation bootcamp when the national head of the youths service programme drops the bombshell: “No jobs out there. Go set up small businesses of your own.”

Wow. Like seriously. We could have been told this before we went over to stuff our brains and slave away for four to five years 🙄

The heads up about the saturated job market might have come up much earlier for us. Not that it matters when exactly you learned this mind-bending fact. The big question is: what are you going to do about it?

Do you plan to:

1. walk the streets, drop CVs at hundreds of offices, and go back home to cross your fingers/commence a vigorous prayer session till you get a call or a response?
2. start a small business like the youths service head recommended?
3. get the information you need to enhance your chances of success in the already jam-packed job market?

If (3) appeals to you, then stay tuned for the next parts.

African Mamas

“Bee dear,” my mother starts, “there’s a white bedsheet somewhere upstairs, please help me get it, love.”

I start for the stairs before my brain freezes. A white bedsheet? Upstairs? Where upstairs? On a table, on the floor, on the bed, in a cupboard? In what room upstairs?

Welcome to the world of brain gymnastics – a world African mamas expect their kids to perform in on a daily basis. Issue half-constructed instructions, and expect the supernaturally intelligent children to complete. Like this is expected to improve mental performance or IQ points.

I turn to mommy dearest. “Where upstairs is this white bedsheet?” She fills in the blanks, in half-sentences I have to cobble together to get the picture. My brain does the mental pole vault successfully, and I’m upstairs and back with the white bedsheet. I hand it over to my mother.

“Oh I forgot,” she said, “could you please bring the small white bedsheet as well? It was on the bed right next to this one.”

So there’s my short rant about African mamas. Notice I kept it short, ‘cos I’m going to be an African mama myself, don’t need karma on my case 😱

What’s your favourite African mama tale? Share in the comment section below!